The Adventures of KatjaMichelle
A non-northwest native tries to figure out adulthood and survive TacomaOnline Dating: Really? Again?
Last spring I woke up to an odd text for a guy I had all but forgotten that I’d dated once or twice today I had flashbacks of that experience.
I got an email from this guy. We had one awkward date in September it is now January. That is 4 months with not a single word of communication. His email offers no attempt at an excuse as to why he dropped off the planet but does ask me to have dinner with him.
SERIOUSLY?
Is this a thing now? Do guys wait 4 MONTHS after dates to contact a girl now? Even if I weren’t dating Mohawk that is a proposal for a second date I’d have to turn down. I mean, seriously!
(oh and btw that date did not include sex so its booty call)
Shopaholic No More…Or Just In A Temporary Remission
I’ll be the first to admit that I have issues. I’ll also be the first to admit that when I feel these issues coming to the surface I either eat my feelings or shop my feelings…or both ya know just for good measure. Then I feel like shit for spending money unnecessarily or stuffing my face…so bring on more food and or more shopping to combat those feelings of worthlessness.
Yep its a destructive cycle.
Not only that it’s sorta the type of thing I’m trained to help other people recognize and overcome and replace with healthy coping mechanisms as they deal with the root of the problem.
When I lost my job and therefore my main income I still had the urge to shop and eat my feelings however the results were even worse since the money I was spending on retail therapy and extra food should have been spend on rent. Cue feelings of worthlessness and spiraling depression. Yay me.
Well my glasses broke recently and I had no choice but to replace them. My attempts at using super glue just didn’t hold. After many mix ups or mistakes on the part of the glasses places I ended up getting a 40$ refund. While waiting for my glasses to be finished I ended up in an inexpensive shoe store.
Shoes are my loves and my weakness. I tried on 4 pairs. I covet them all. I didn’t buy a single one. Even after justifying it in my head that I had that extra money from the refund that I could spend since I wasn’t expecting to have it anyway. I’m very proud of myself right now.
Which in the past would have led me to buy new shoes to celebrate my accomplishment. (yeah try and make sense out of that)
Dating:I Need A Baby Duck To Explain the Elephant(s) In The Room
In the fabulousness that is Bones there is a psychologist, Sweets, who in one episode is referred to as a baby duck. He spends a lot of his time not so subtly pointing out the attraction between Booth and Bones. Ok there title explained, if you still don’t get it then well you need to watch more tv.
At times my RL Bestie has been my own personal baby duck when it comes to my friendship/relationship situation with IT-Guy. Although I do believe I was told to not refer to her as a baby duck and so will not do so ever again. MOVING ON.
My feelings toward IT-Guy are clear. I love him and will never ever jeopordize our friendship by ever persuing anything beyond friendship with him. Ever.
As it turns out Mohawk has an IT-Guy. Altho she’s a girl and not in the IT field. So basically what I’m saying is Mohawk has a female friend whom he has tried to take to a more than friend place and it has backfired. Currently he and this friend are not on speaking terms, but it took IT-Guy and I a year to get to a re-building the friendship place so I told Mohawk to be patient, the friendship could still return. But I’m wondering if its just the friendship he wants.
I’m wondering if he’s just biding his time with me until she comes around and then its buh-byies Katja and hello female-i’ve-yet-to-nickname-because-really-is-she-important-enough-to-get-a-nickname-on-my-blog?
And then I feel like a hypocrite because maybe I’m doing the same thing. Only I’m not because I know I can’t ever date IT-Guy again. But that doesn’t mean that the feeling isn’t there. Which when it comes down to it is the same thing whether or not I’d actually do it.
And then I’m back to the ‘well do I even like him enough to be worried about this to this degree’ question. And I talked to IT-Guy about it at our last monday margarita session and he advised I not over think it. (HA! A- has he met me and B- hypocrite) He suggests that I don’t HAVE to know exactly how I feel at this exact moment. That I can just be in the moment and see what happens (HA! see A & B from previous HA!).
Basically its just going around and around in my head.
Ahh dating is fun…if by fun you mean torture.
Someone Stop The Ticking!
All I can say is thank goodness of my IUD. I’m having all sorts of maternal feelings right now. Maybe it’s spending so much time with my nieces, maybe its realizing I’m closer to 30 than 20 and as such should probably have my life more settled than it currently is. Maybe its the damn constant facebook announcements of friends and aquaintances who are expecting. I dont know what it is but I WANT A BABY. But logically I know I cannot have a baby at this point in my life. Not only that but I’m not in a place in a relationship where that would even be a subject that should be broached. But part of me wants to rip this IUD out and just get knocked up and worry about the rest later…good thing the logical part of me is winning.
Thank goodness for my IUD.
The Hypocrisy of Love
I am a hypocrite. Two weeks ago I got all freaked out when Mohawk said the “L” word.
My plan to ignore it was foiled and I was forced to be an adult and honestly discuss it when he iniated a conversation about his saying the word and my reaction…or lack thereof. I told him my reservations about the very little time we’d been seeing eachother. And that he shouldn’t just say it to fill a silence or because “he felt like it shoudl be said” but only if he actually feels it. We left it at that.
Despite my discomfort with him liking me more than I like him he’s a great guy and I have fun with him so we continued to date. We spent most of this weekend together saw Zoo Lights, went to Northwest Trek, and caught some of the high school football playoffs. And all day Saturday I had this urge to say the “L” word. And I refused to do it for a myriad of reasons:
- Its still ridiculously too soon
- I just made a big deal of his saying it.
- It wasn’t the right time or place.
- Each time I’d think it something stupid would be done or said that would make the saying of it awkward.
- What if he HAD just been saying it to fill the silence it would now be my turn to be awkward…I dislike awkward.
So instead I’d just look at him and smile, kiss him, bite my lip, or lay my head on his shoulder until the urge passed…which is to say: until I forced the urge away.
We got back to my house cooked dinner and started watching a movie. It was after midnight by this time and he was falling asleep on the couch so I kissed his cheek and out blurted “Iloveyou” rushed garbled and barely audible.
THE FUCK!? Why doesn’t my mouth listen to me? How is it that my brain decided not to say something and my mouth did it anyway?
I could justify it, if it shouldn’t be said for no good reason then it shouldn’t NOT be said for stupid reasons either. But I stand by my rule that it should only be said if its felt and I’m so emotionally broken I dont know what it feels like. So maybe my mouth should listen to my brain until I figure it out.`
[Online] Dating: DTR By Proxy?
Approximately a week ago I had my first date with Mohawk. Since that first date we’ve texted a lot and seen eachother a few times. It’s been a lot of fun and I think I like him. So whats the problem? (And you know I wouldn’t be writing about it unless there were a problem)
The problem is apparently he likes me a LOT. At the end of our third date he pulled out of a kiss and the following ensued.
Mohawk: “I love you”
Me: silent trying not to look terrified thinking “you don’t even KNOW me”
Mohawk: “what?”
Me: “nothing”
Mohawk: silent and I have NO IDEA what he was thinking
Me: “what?”
Mohawk: “nothing”
And that was the end of the evening. My plan was is to ignore the “L” word that obviously was said in error because I have a good time with this guy and want to see where this whole dating thing goes.
Then the next day he invited me to watch him bowl. Yeah have I mentioned he bowls…on a league…so NOT my type at all. So after I agree he mentions I’ll be meeting his mother who bowls in the same league (different team). Yep met the parents after 1 week of dating. AWKWARD. (btw bowling alleys smell like ass just one more reason I don’t bowl).
Today we reached the trifecta. He refered to himself as my boyfriend. Which I guess isn’t that bad considering the other two, but it has me on edge. WHO DOES THAT?
Who defines a relationship after a week, but moreso who does it in their own head and just assumes the other party is onboard!?
Couples Counseling with an Ex?
During our semi-regular Margarita Monday IT-Guy and I began discussing our recent dating woes. One way I know our friendship is back on track is the depth and honesty in these dating conversations. At one point this is how it went,
IT-Guy: “Have you ever thought, and I only bring this up because I’ve been thinking about it for me, but have you ever considered-”
ME: “Let me guess therapy?”
IT-Guy: “But like couples counseling”
ME: “hahaha yeah I have actually thought about that but I’m never in a couple long enough for it to be realistic”
IT-Guy: “well what about individual couples counseling”
ME: “Or like we go together and get couples counseling but so that we can be functioning adults in OTHER couples”
IT-Guy: “YES!”
So we spent about 20 more minuted discussing how we should find a couples counselor and go together and basically use eachother as stand ins for our future partners. It was hilarious…and garnered a few strange looks from other patrons. Throughout the meal I picked the bell peppers out of his fajitas because my taco salad didnt’ come with bell peppers and I love bell peppers and the waitress took away my napkin when she cleared my plate so we sharred his napkin…and then i got mad when the waitress was referred to me as his girlfriend…looking back i can understand the confusion.
Online Dating: Not My Type
I often say I don’t have a type. Afterall I date men of all races, backgrounds, professions, education levels, etc. But last night I went out with a man so unlike anyone I’ve ever dated before. He’s only 5′9” (i’m 5′8” and like to wear heels). He has 6 tattoos with plans for more. He has a blue mohawk. He’s my age (I usually date men at least 5 years older than me). And I like him.
To tell the truth I’m a little disappointed that I like him. I know most people date searching for love or at least lust, but recently I’ve just been searching for a good story. I mean aren’t we all tired of hearing about the married felon? I know I’m tired of telling that one so I need a new one. I’m kind of disappointed. Pathetic I know what kind of person is disappointed that a date went well? Me thats who.
UPDATE: I have a second date with Mohawk scheduled for Wednesday.
Well Hell
So i just noticed that my blog timestamp is off. Instead of showing my local time it’s been eight hours ahead. Really not a big deal EXCEPT it means that my posts have the wrong dates on them and it appears I skipped a day of NaBloPoMo. But I didn’t I wrote everyday! Stupid time stamp. Good thing I realized this early so now I know I’ve already screwed up and it doesn’t matter if I write everyday now.
